I remember going through a separation from my spouse which became a very dark time in my life. I didn’t want things to stay the way there were, I wanted different, just didn’t know how to go about it, so we separated! Going to church week after week, just wasn’t doing it for me and I desperately needed some type of help. Day in and day out, I woke up, got myself and kids dressed, went to work all day, then depending on the night, I would leave work and go straight to school. I kept myself busy a lot, especially on the weekends. As soon as all the kids woke up, we got dressed and we were out for the day. That helped numb my current situation. As soon as we would come back in for the night, I would prepare dinner, bathe the kids, put them to sleep, and start on my homework….I did whatever I had to do to stay busy to try to numb the pain of my current situation. As my depression grew I would go to church whenever I felt like it.
I lost hope in everything…didn’t know which way to turn, all I knew was to stay busy, say my prayer and keep it moving. I lived like that for at least a year and a half. There was nothing fun or amusing about this time of my life, I seriously just wanted the pain to stop, the frustration to end, and A BREAK! After all the constant moving, my body began to shut down, and I was burning out (bad idea)! I just wanted the pain to stop! I was a mess, and I was a mess raising 3 children, going to work, and going to school. Even though I was going to church whenever, I had enough sense to open my bible as I was TRYING so hard to hear from God, then one day I came across; Romans 8:28 KJV, “ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
Wayment! You mean to tell me God that this is going to work out for me? How? When? Because you know God this pain right here is on another level, but I’m going to keep enduring because You said everything is going to work out..ok, ok…I got it, You can have all my issues, I don’t even want them anymore (Lol). I felt so relieved, and I realized that I was choosing to hold on to the baggage, the negative thoughts, rehearsing the events that led up to the seperation, and I didn’t have to be DEPRESSED! That was all a CHOICE of MINE!
Statistics show that Depression is the cause of over two-thirds of the 30,000 reported suicides in the U.S. each year. (White House Conference on Mental Health, 1999).
Women experience depression at twice the rate of men. This 2:1 ratio exists regardless of racial or ethnic background or economic status. The lifetime prevalence of major depression is 20-26% for women and 8-12% for men. (Journal of the American Medical Association, 1996)
If you are anyone you know may be experiencing depression call 211, for assistance and please do not be ashamed as I was, and didn’t reach out for help! SPEAK UP!
Keep your head up!